Bishop's Interview: Marriage: A lifelong covenant of love between a man and a woman

Editor: Bishop, this month we are finishing up our interviews on the sacraments, and the last one we need to discuss is marriage, which the church defends with great diligence. Why is this?
Bishop Vásquez: The church takes all the sacraments very seriously because we know that they have been instituted by God. In the case of matrimony, as we read in Genesis, “God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and God said to them: Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.’” From the beginning of creation, God has given us this great blessing. Marriage is not just a natural institution, but it is also a supernatural one. God intended it for the good of man and woman.
From Genesis to Revelation, the entire Bible is truly a love story between God and his people. God is in love with his people. There are so many allusions all throughout the Old Testament, where there’s references to God entering into a marriage covenant with his spouse, the people of God. And of course, in the New Testament, Jesus himself referred to the kingdom of heaven in terms of a wedding banquet. “The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son,” Jesus said as he began the parable in Matthew 22:2. Then in the book of Revelation, there is a culmination where the kingdom will be an unending wedding feast for all eternity. God and his people will be united in a bond of perpetual love that can never be broken. This is why we as a church value the sacrament of matrimony so much and why we defend it and protect it.

Editor: Sadly, marriage has become one of those things that our society very easily throws away. As a church, how can we help create a culture of sacramental marriage?
Bishop Vásquez: Over the last several decades, society has shifted away from a sacramental understanding of marriage. Society views marriage as contractual and not as a holy covenant between a man and a woman. However, that is not what God intended!
As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” (CCC, 1601). St. John Paul II wrote, “The love of husband and wife is a unique participation in the mystery of life and of the love of God Himself, the Church knows that she has received the special mission of guarding and protecting the lofty dignity of marriage and the most serious responsibility of the transmission of human life” (Familiaris Consortio, 29).
Marriage is more than a civil contract; it is a lifelong covenant of love between a man and a woman. Anyone making this type of serious commitment will experience some trepidation; this is natural and normal. I was afraid when I was making my pledge to God to be a priest. I experienced anxiety as I made this lifelong commitment to God and the church. We must remember that through the sacraments, we receive many graces, including the fortitude to overcome such feelings. Through the sacrament of matrimony, Christ becomes the foundation and strength of the couple.
In Ephesians, St. Paul calls marriage a mystery in that man and woman represent the love that exists between Christ and his bride, the church. When married couples give themselves totally to one another, their lives reflect the love between Christ and his church. This is the essence of the sacrament of marriage.

Editor: Marriage preparation begins long before a couple gets engaged, right?
Bishop Vásquez: Yes, marriage preparation begins in one’s family. The example given to us by our own parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I consider myself quite fortunate to have had grandparents and great grandparents who were together until death. My own parents witnessed to me and my siblings the beauty of the sacrament for nearly 50 years before my mother’s passing. How parents raise their children, the love husbands and wives show to one another, and how they grow in love are all ways we prepare the next generation for marriage.
Through youth groups and religious education programs, we must proclaim the beauty of marriage, chastity and the complementarity of men and women. God makes men and women for each other and to complement each other in many ways. Thus, the beauty of one’s attraction to the opposite sex is natural and it is intended by God. The church must help parents teach children the dignity of each person, the value of chastity and the beauty of married life. As Pope Francis writes in “Amoris Laetitia,” “We need to find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young people, appealing to their capacity for generosity, commitment, love and even heroism, and in this way inviting them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage” (40).
Marriage preparation should help engaged couples deepen their understanding of the sacrament of marriage. There are different forms of marriage preparation for engaged couples, nevertheless the goal is to help couples develop a better understanding of the sacrament, to evaluate and deepen their readiness to live married life and to gain insights into themselves as individuals and as a couple.

Editor: What do you consider the most important aspect of marriage?
Bishop Vásquez: The most significant element of marriage is for the couple to recognize that God has brought them together. In their attraction and love for one another, God’s love stirs in their hearts, and the couple grows in holiness. There will no doubt be good times and bad times in every marriage.
There are no perfect marriages, but there are good and holy marriages. In “Amoris Laetitia,” Pope Francis alludes to the joys and sorrows of the sacrament of matrimony: “Marital joy can be experienced even amid sorrow; it involves accepting that marriage is an inevitable mixture of enjoyment and struggles, tensions and repose, pain and relief, satisfactions and longings, annoyances and pleasures, but always on the path of friendship, which inspires married couples to care for one another” (127).
Other elements also necessary for good and holy marriages are communication, honesty, making time for one another and prayer. I strongly encourage couples to pray together, and most importantly to celebrate the Sunday Eucharist together. The strength from the Eucharist will keep married couples strong in their commitment to one another.
All marriages face challenges, but with God’s help and by following the examples of men and women who are married, these challenges can be overcome. I also encourage struggling couples to seek guidance from priests or deacons or counselors. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

Editor: What is your prayer for those preparing for marriage and those who are married?
Bishop Vásquez: May all married couples see that their vocation of marriage is a blessing from God, the Father. May the bond of love which Christ has put into their hearts grow stronger every day. And may the Holy Spirit strengthen and seal married couples to be holy witnesses filled with joy in their commitment of fidelity and love for one another. Amen.

Getting married in the church
   Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the church.

•  A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.
•  For a valid Catholic marriage, the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process.

Resources for couples

•  U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops For Your Marriage: www. foryourmarriage.org
•  Diocese of Austin Life, Marriage and Family Office: www.austindiocese.org/marriage or (512) 949-2487
•  Marriage Encounter: www.austinme.org
•  Catholic Charities of Central Texas Counseling Services:     www.ccctx.org or (512) 651-6100
•  The Intuitus Group in Cedar Park: intuitus-group.com or (512) 653-6745
•  New Life Counseling Center in Austin: newlifecounselingcenter.com or (512) 523-4959, ext. 310