Personal reflection: In marriage, we are two, but we are one together with Christ

By Ralph and Dianne Fajardo | Guest Columnists

Marriage is a sacrament of the church, taking two separate lives and making them one. Our voices must sing in harmony in order for us to experience the joy God intends for us, enabled through our daily decisions to love. We want to share our story of love, disillusionment and renewal made possible for us through our experience with Worldwide Marriage Encounter.
Dianne: My path in life joined with Ralph’s while we were stationed on active duty at Fort Benning in Georgia — I fell in love the day we met! I knew we would get married, and three years later we did. Ralph, an electrical engineer, served as an infantry officer, while I served as an operating room technician. After my military service ended, I attended nursing school to become a nurse midwife. We settled in Copperas Cove, where our life was great. God gifted us with three wonderful children. We were living the American Dream.
Ralph: In 2002, our then 16-year-old daughter taught a history class at the local elementary school for a class project. Two weeks later, Dianne and I received a letter in the mail. One of the children had tested positive for a virus and contact tracing was underway. Following the advice from the school nurse, we took our daughter for testing, and she received a positive diagnosis for the virus. Eighteen months later, health professionals told us that her condition was terminal and that she had six weeks to live. We shifted into warp speed, contacting cardiologists in Austin, Houston and New York to get her onto the heart transplant list. Despite our heroic efforts, six weeks later our bright, beautiful daughter died. Our life came to a crashing halt!
Dianne: An empty, joyless routine filled our days during the next four years. We went to work; we took our younger son, still at home, to school; we attended church. We repeated the same routine week after week.
Ralph: We slowly grew apart and stopped speaking to one another. Our only conversations involved our youngest son and his needs. The grief process overshadowed our lives and directed our routine. I recall thinking that this monotonous, sorrowful drill would define our lives until we died.
Dianne: One Sunday at Mass at Holy Family Parish, a couple presented a “pulpit talk” about their experience with Marriage Encounter. I was working that weekend, so I did not hear the presentation. Ralph took the brochure they gave at the end of Mass and invited me to attend an upcoming Marriage Encounter weekend experience at our diocesan retreat center. For the first time in four years, hope filled my heart. I had heard about Marriage Encounter before but did not know any details. On our way to Cedarbrake Catholic Retreat Center, we became lost. We were the last couple to arrive. It was a winter night in November 2008. By the time we got there, I was feeling not only angry and frustrated, but also cold. The priest and three presenting team couples welcomed us with such genuine warmth and love that the anger and frustration slowly started to melt away and were eventually replaced with a sense of peace.
Ralph: That Marriage Encounter experience saved our marriage and our lives. The presenting couples were honest, open and vulnerable. They didn’t know us and yet they were willing to give personal examples of their lives to teach us that we are all, in so many ways, in the same boat. If Dianne and I made the decision to love each other, we could steer our boat to more fruitful shores. The priest who presented our weekend was Oblate Father Richard Beck (sadly, he died in 2015). He completely changed our perspective of priests. Father Beck was a holy man, who had a great love for humanity. He displayed an amazing sense of humor. His attitude of gratitude was infectious, like taking time to appreciate butterflies and nature. After that Marriage Encounter experience, Dianne and I visited with him and other retired priests several times at his Oblate residence in San Antonio. We now see our priests as family and invite them to all holiday and family events.
Dianne: Attending the Marriage Encounter weekend did not erase the pain of losing our daughter, nor the other challenges we face. We started that weekend with heavy hearts but ended it on a high we had never experienced. Today, the resulting changes in our attitudes and behaviors, along with the daily use of the communication tools we learned back in 2008, enable us to face any challenge with confidence in our love for each other. Now it is us, as one, against the problem.
Ralph: Marriage Encounter is for couples who want to make their good marriage even better. However, priests and religious also attend and fully participate in the experiences - their relationship with the people they serve is similar to the relationship between husbands and wives, since open and honest communication is key to true understanding and empathy. In a helpful loving way, the experience helps both married couples and religious better understand themselves, each other in their sacrament (of matrimony or Holy Orders), and their relationship with God.
Dianne: With the current limitations of the COVID-19 pandemic, Marriage Encounter has expanded to provide many virtual (online) experiences. Maybe one of these virtual experiences would be perfect for your sacrament? From the comfort and security of their home, couples will be guided by three couples and a priest to help them rediscover their dreams, rekindle their romance and become more aware of God’s desire for their marriage. We encourage couples to step out of their daily routine to restore communication, renew their commitment and rekindle their romance. And may God bless all married couples!

Marriage Encounter weekends are set for Oct. 23-25 and Nov. 6-8. All married couples are invited to learn more about the virtual weekend experience in general through a short video at www.austinme.org/september2020. The application and more information are available at www.austinme.org.