The Domestic Church: Within the family, we learn how to practice the call to love

Editor’s note: A longer version of this column originally appeared in the August 2020 issue of the “West Texas Angelus,” which is the newspaper for the Diocese of San Angelo.

By Alison Pope | Guest Columnist

Lumen Gentium, a document of the Second Vatican Council, describes the family as the domestic church. What does a domestic church look like? That is as varied and complex as the families that make up our communities. For some, the domestic church is a single parent and their kids. For some, it is grandparents raising their grandchildren. For others, it is a newlywed couple just beginning to build their life together. And, yes, a single person can be a domestic church as well.
The domestic church looking a certain way is not about being a place where faith is preached, but a place where the faith is lived in our everyday lives. It is the primary place where we practice coming to intimately love others. It is the place where we begin to learn how to live out our universal call to holiness. It is in the context of the family that we first learn who God is.
The domestic church needs the parish and the parish needs the domestic church. Sunday Eucharist is indispensable, but the practice and prayer life of faith cannot be confined to the parish church. We must take what is being taught at the parish back into our own families. Families must participate in the sacramental and social life of the parish. But faith, prayer, catechesis, charity and evangelization all must take place first and foremost in the context of the home.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children” (2223). Faith is not just facts that are memorized, but it is also tradition that is handed down from one generation to another. While there are endless ways to build and grow our domestic church, here are just a few examples.
Pray as a family. Not just before meals, although that is important, but at other times as well. St. John Paul II wrote in his exhortation “On the Family” that for the family to be an authentic domestic church, common prayer must be continuously practiced in the home. For some, these family prayer times will include the rosary. For others, it will be sharing prayer intentions and uniting in prayer at the end of the day or it will be praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy on the way home from school. Allow all members of the family to take turns leading prayer time, but be open to how the Holy Spirit leads your family to pray.
Create a home altar. For some, the term altar can be intimidating. Remember, this is not an official altar. Rather, think of it as a simple space in your home where you display things that help you focus on God and where the family can go to for quiet moments of prayer and reflection. For some, it is a large flat surface where icons, statues, books, candles and other holy items are displayed. For those with limited space, the altar could be portable. Designate a sturdy storage container for the items and place them on a table during prayer times, then put them away when the space is needed for other aspects of daily living.
Display icons and other religious items. The idea is to display items throughout the home that will draw family members and guests back to God every time their gaze lands upon the item.
Celebrate the liturgical year as a family. One of our family traditions growing up was to pray and light the Advent wreath every evening before dinner during Advent. Each child took turns leading prayer, lighting the candles, and then blowing them out at the end of the meal. During Lent, we were encouraged to do an act of kindness each day. My mom would put up a piece of poster board on the wall near the table, and each night before or after dinner, we would take a post-it note, write down our act of kindness, and attach it to the poster board.
Celebrate baptism dates and feast days. In addition to celebrating a child’s birthday, find special ways to celebrate their baptism date. If your family name or your child is named after a specific saint, find a way to celebrate that feast day. It can be as simple as a special dessert or an outing to celebrate.
Talk freely about God. The Lord is present in both joys and sorrows of each family’s life. If we want our young people to learn how to see God in all aspects of life and how to share those stories with others, we must model it. When your family is going through a hard time, share how you still see God present despite the doubts and hardships. Be open about your doubts and struggles when it comes to faith. When things are going well, give thanks and praise God for his faithfulness.
For those who are single, there are many ways they too can be a domestic church. Establish personal traditions around feast days and your own baptism date. Offer your home as a place for friendship and hospitality. Just like we have extended biological families, we can have extended domestic church families. For example, I have a couple of friends who I share communal prayer with. We talk regularly about how God is present in our lives. If you have godchildren, find ways to intentionally include them in your own domestic church and become part of theirs. If you have single friends, invite them to be part of your extended domestic church.
While parents carry a heavy portion of the responsibility of nurturing the domestic church, the parishes are not exempt. In all our ministries, we must remember the context of the parish and build a bridge into the homes where the participants live. We must occasionally evaluate all our ministries and examine how they partner with families to build that bridge between our programs and the domestic church.
One of the most beautiful aspects of the Catholic faith is the rich diversity the church offers us in devotions, prayers, images and art. Similarly, the form each domestic church takes will be varied and diverse. In each of our homes, our faith will be lived differently based on our own experiences. Often the imperfect, humble and joy-filled family that rarely preaches the faith because they are too busy living the faith helps introduce others to the love of God.